71 Days

Happy Monthsary honey! It's our 4th month today and this month didn't go as smoothly as I wished it did and being so far away from you didn't help too. We've been through quite a bit this month and I'm glad we managed to sort things out. We'll be fine, I know we will!   

Love you honey, looking forward to many more monthsaries with you!

78 Days

78 days, that's for me
77 days, that's for you

Hey honey, the past few days was pretty rocky for us. But I'm glad we settled it all today. Actually it did not bother me at all that we started off naturally but it's still really sweet of you to ask me if I wanted to be your gf today because you said you've never asked me before. 

I have to admit that it took me awhile to reply because, just for a moment, I thought that it would be better if we ended everything since I'm getting tired of all the problems we have. But then you asked me not to give up yet, and that made me think twice. I know if we want to work things out we need to face the problems together and I'm glad to know that you are willing to face them together with me. 

I may make it sound like it's easy for me to let go of this relationship but it's really not, not at all. I'm just trying to put up a strong front because I thought that it would be better for me to get hurt now rather than when I fall too deep and too hard later on. I'm sorry that I only thought about myself getting hurt and not you.

Like you said you want to keep being my bf, that's the same for me too. I want you to keep being mine and I want to keep being yours too. It's because this relationship matters so much to me, that's why I'm telling you exactly how I feel because I want things to work out for us. I'll try to change to be less sensitive *but you know, I can't sense the change in air pressure around me, I'm not that extreme. -.- hahas* and I hope that you can change a little for me too. 

That's all for today, good night honey. 

Day 82

Day 83, that's for me.

Day 82, that's for you. Since I'm posting entries in Singapore Time

Hey Honey, I am not too sure if you even read this blog but I understand that it's because your data is pretty limited. I've missed a few days of blogging because I was really busy with settling down in Paris. Paris is good so far, except for the gloomy weather and that shops are closed on Sundays. Even the marche and carrefour.

Like you know, I've started school today. School is pretty boring because we don't get to do much hands on, other than weigh and prep, since the teacher does pretty much everything and he speaks in French most of the time and only translates less than half of what he mentioned. So basically we don't get to know much, we just follow the instructions on the book. It's like paying 11 grands for the recipes I guess. School hours are bad but thank god it's only 3 days a week, because honestly I can't stand how minimal our conversation is when I am in school. You're up and busy when I just wake up and already going to bed when I just end school. 

Anw, I'm glad that I did not lose touch in piping rounds. Was kind of stress when the teacher asked me to pipe the rounds and not to mention, with the whole class looking. Hahas! Thanks to 1 whole year of macaron making. :) 

You said before that I should miss you just enough rather than too much or else I'll be sad. Today I'm missing you more than too much. Much much more actually. And listening to MLTR isn't helping because it reminds me of you so much. Just hope that time passes faster. 

Day 88

I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you weren't perfect, and I loved you even more.

Hey honey, I know that Paris is far but we'll be alright. We will find it in our hearts to give a little love and so have a little faith in the two of us.

Love you honey! 

Day 89

I am home already, went out with syahrul today for sushi and karaoke. 3 hours of karaoke... so tired. Hehehehee, I woke up really late today ya? 1030. Because I was busy with my research last night. They say paris is dangerous at night and there are places we have to avoid at night so I wanted to research on that. Found a few places and they are pretty close to where I am staying. Time to buy some pepper spray, maybe? Hahas.

No one's gna come home for dinner tonight. It's dinner alone again. But I'm used to it so that's alright, I think...

2 more days before I fly off to Paris. Still a bit unsure but I'm starting to get excited.  Unsure because I don't know how easy or difficult it is to stay in a country that doesn't speak my language for 2.5months. The 4 of us will be depending on my pocket guide to speaking French for survival. Hahaha! 

That's pretty much it for today! Hope you had a good day too!

Day 90

Ohgosh, my eyebags! I didn't sleep well last night, had bad dreams. Mehhhh~ I do get bad dreams when I go to bed with my stomach still feeling full. 

I'm finally packing my stuffs for Paris today. So much to bring, not just clothes and make-up like you said. What about shoes? Chef shoes, runners, boots, slippers. Electronics. My endless toiletries because of my sensitive skin. Emergency medical kit in case someone need some medicine and there's no pharmacy near our area? Hahahas. I told you I'm doraemon. ^_^ Thankgod we don't have to bring our toolbox over. 

Felt really weird the whole day today, not too sure how to explain this feeling or how this feeling came about. Maybe it's because I'm packing to go to Paris and finally starting to feel that my dream is coming true, or because I know that when I get to Paris we are even further apart. I really don't know. But what I know for sure is that I really miss you, especially today. 

It's been 10 days since we've parted, but 10 days somehow feels like forever... We have another 90 days to go! We can do it! Our conversation on WhatsApp was fun today, "thanks" for trolling me -.- ...  LOL. But really, thanks for making me laugh! That weird feeling feels so much easier to handle when I'm having fun. XD

Anw I guess you must be really tired today, everyday actually, you fell asleep half way through. Hahahas. Hope you're sleeping tight and having good dreams! *no more maggots attacking you! I killed them all*

Selamat Tidur Honey!

Day 91

Hey honey like you said, 3 months is too long. I know and I'm sorry because Paris was planned before we even met... Let us take this 3 months as a test, if we can make it through this 3 months, and I know we can, we will be pretty much alright later on because Indonesia and Singapore is really near. 

And it has come to a point in this relationship that I just can't let go anymore. So let's face the problem together, even if the going gets tough, we mustn't give up each other. 

You pretty much know what I've been doing the whole day today. Just eating and eating non stop. My stomach feels like it's gna explode anytime soon. T_T

That's all for today,

Love you hon!

Day 92

Today is not really a good day for me. I'm feeling a little down and a little discourage. Somethings are not meant to be said here, I will tell you when I'm ready... That's all for today, I hope you had a good day today.

就算我已用尽了我所有的真心，我或许真的到不了你的心底。

Day 93

Hey honey, watch this if you have extra data allowance. Seems fun! Hahahas. Reminded me of my choir years. 

Stayed at home today to recuperate (keep dozing off... zzz... T_T) and rush for the 2 orders that's due tomorrow, the weather was kind today. Thank god! It's pretty dry so my fondants are all dried! Yayyyyy! I'm still feeling a little lethargic but that's alright. Just really need to gws because Paris is 6 days from now. There's nothing much to say so I hope you had a pleasant day today! 

Day 94

I am finally reading my books again, it's been too long of a hiatus. Nearly one month actually. I'm starting on a new life-improvement genre called Life is a verb by Patti Digh. It's a pretty good and meaningful book that teaches us how to be mindful and live intentionally. 

Talking about how her step-father died 37 days after being diagnosed with cancer made her examine her own life. She realised that to live your best life does not mean that you have to ditch your job and go sailing around the world, but it mean to live each day with more intention and purpose.

This book talks about the six core practices for living without regrets and they are...

1. Say Yes. How to live a "yes, and" rather than "yes, but" kind of life
2. Be Generous. How to give and receive something more valuable than money or things
3. Speak Up. How to stand tall and yet give up your attachment to being right
4. Love More. How loving yourself and others more help to make a difference in your life
5. Trust Yourself. How can you choose who you spend your time with
6. Slow Down. How can you pay attention and stand still in a world that is moving so fast

It also proposed a question to all its reader: What would you be doing today if you only had 37 days to live?

Don't think you'll like reading a book like this. LOL. Anyway I'm glad that I'm feeling better now. Been sleeping the whole day, just like a pig. Hahahas.

I miss you honey! 

Day 95

Sorry if I have made you uncomfortable with my insecurities but it's more of my own issue. I'm still learning how to be more trusting, understanding, patience and confidence. To be a better girlfriend and a better person. I hope you'll be patience and give me some time. 

I read an article somewhere today and it really kept me thinking, and here's what it is about.

The article mentioned about how "sticky" the past is and if you keep thinking about and focusing on the past you will not get to the better future you deserve. 

• Letting go of the past is about releasing skills, and these have to be learned and practiced. Learn and practice to release your regrets, mistakes, sorrows and anger. Practice letting go.
• Letting go of the past is about balancing skills. Balance the bad with the good whenever you find the past coming up to keep you away from your desired future. Don't make it all golden, because it wasn't. Don't make it all bleak, either. Practice balance.
• Letting go of the past is about forward motion. If you always focus on the past, you won't get to the future. So don't allow yourself too much time thinking about it. Force yourself to make forward motion toward your future.

I'm sharing this with you because I think this does not only apply for a past relationship that one can't let go but also applies to anything in life.

It's either you're missing me too much today or I've caught the flu. *I think that you're missing me too much* Keep sneezing and my nose is blocked. I forget my cardigan and it was raining today plus the shopping mall was freezing. Urgh. I need to get well soon! 

That's all for today honey!

Day 96

Mum was talking about you today and she mentioned that Dad wanted to bring you for suckling pig the other time you came but mum thought it would be a better idea to eat seafood instead. Told mum it doesn't really matter because you love both seafood and pork. So she says the next time when you come she will get Dad to bring you to the restaurant for suckling pig. Look forward honey! Hahahas.

Finally changed some money for my Paris trip and settled my bank stuffs. Everything still feels so surreal. Hahas. It has always been my dream to go to Paris to learn to be a Patisserie and I think I will only feel that it is happening when I finally step foot in Paris. Did not mention this to you, but I ever did regret giving up going to Paris and settling for Melbourne. But who knew that I would end up falling in love with Melbourne and ended up finding you. It's fate I guess. ^_^

Oh well, nothing much to say today since everything I did today was pretty much covered in our WhatsApp conversation. I hope you had a good day! 

Day 97

Went to the doctor and she prescribed me with a new set of med and rash med. Such a waste of money... I've spent a total of 100 for all my med. =_= This med better work! 

Decided to listen to you and wear jeans. (Happyyyyy? xD) So took my jeans for some alteration to make it straight but not ankle hugging. So I guess the next step is to get some T-shirts? Yes? Hahaha!

Happy to know that today is the last day of September! 10 more days starting from tomorrow and I'll be in Paris. Time would pass faster there, I hope, since I'll be enjoying school and company of the girls. And soon enough, January will arrive! xD 

I'm posting my son's gift (from you) soon on Wednesday! Can't wait!

Nothing much to talk about today because I didn't really do anything. 

Good luck with your drinks menu! 

And I hope that tomorrow will be a better day for you! No more phone lagging! ^_^

Signing of,

强坦克。

Day 98

Sunday, as usual, is a family day. Did nothing much. Had breakfast, did our weekly groceries purchasing and then had dinner. 

My rashes are getting worst and my breathing seems to be heavier. So Dad said to stop my medication. I'll see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully all's good. I never had an allergic reaction to med before. x_x

Bought an E-book today, 1000 Questions for couples. Decided to get this book because I realised that when we are away from each other we don't have much to talk about.

It's always the... 

A: "what are you doing" 

B: "nothing" 

A: "have you had lunch" 

B: "yes, you?" 

A: "yes"

B: "how's your day?"

It's not that I or we, hopefully, have nothing to talk about but it's really difficult to find a topic to talk about especially when someone like me who's just lazing around at home with nothing to do and just waiting for time to come and go to Paris. My life is just too boring and there's nothing much to talk about it. And sometimes it's so disheartening because here I am trying hard to find something to talk about but I can't seem to find any. Mehhhhh~

We've tried 5 questions and I feel that it's pretty useful. Helped me to understand you a little better and also helped me to ask questions that I never imagine I'll ask. Hahahas. I hope you're not finding this book stupid. Lol Hopefully this book helps! 

I know you're not in a good mood today. And honestly, when you said that I was really hurt because that was the last thing I would have expected you to say to me. But I understand your frustrations, and it's mine bad too, so it's okay! I've gotten over when you explained why and apologised. :D

Glad to have heard your voice today, but like you said the reception sucks. T_T 
Ohwell, I guess we'll just have to stick to text msges then! 

Another day down, another day closer.

Love you hon! 

Day 99

They said Indonesia was on the other side, how much I wish that I could just get over there.

Hey Hun, I hope that things are fine and you are alright. I know I said too many 'Sorry' that they may just be useless now. But still I hope that you know I didn't mean to make you mad, and because I hurt you I ended up hurting myself too. I hope that things are fine for us and whatever happened yesterday will not affect us. 

Today wasn't all that great but I know my friends are trying hard to cheer me up. We went to East Coast Park to celebrate Syahrul's birthday. We had a picnic and also cycled for 2 hours. *was really doing some good cardio exercise because the bike was really tiring to paddle.

Hopefully we will be able to chat on the phone tonight because I really miss you and I just want to hear your voice. 

P.S Fingers crossed that I'll be able to sleep well tonight. The previous 2 nights were just too unbearable. 

Day 100

I had a really great time with you for the past 17 days, thanks for everything hun! I'm glad to have experienced Bali and Jogja with you and also really thankful to your mum, grandma and relatives for being so nice to me. 

Sending you off today was really tough, I guess I'll never get used to us parting anyways. 

Did not want to stay at home the whole day because I know I need to keep myself busy so that I'll feel better, so Hidayat and Theingi accompanied me to the doctor and we did grocery shopping for our group's picnic and cycle tomorrow. They are crashing over tonight to make the sandwich and accompany me so that I can sleep, I feel like a baby. >_< 

Made sandwich for tomorrow's picnic. Honey grilled chicken sandwich and egg mayo sandwich. :)

And I am sorry to make you angry today, I really didn't mean it, hope you'll feel better tomorrow. 

Miss you!

This Diary

The reason why I created this diary was because I know that when I get to Paris there will be a 5 hours time difference between us. Thus, we will not be able to communicate that much. 

I will record my daily happenings here and hope that this will help us feel more connected and that the miles does not affect us. 

Starting from today, it will take 100 days till the next time we meet. During this time, I will miss you dearly and I hope you'll miss me too!